Vol.118_TEN

model_ten leechaiyapornkul

เตนล์ ลี้ชัยพรกุล
nct, wayv ; main dancer
february 27, 1996

model_jung jaehyun

정재현
nct ; main vocalist
february 14, 1997

to ten,

❝ ...now that ive more or less composed myself its birthday post time even if im late in both kr and th timezones i had a post drafted for him that id started literally months in advance but then when it came down to it it just didn't feel right simply copying and pasting something for tens birthday... it really isn't that big of a deal but it wasn't right to me so im starting from scratch instead :< aside from tens birthday my anniversary with him falls on the 26th as well and it was something that i used to count on when i began stanning nct as a whole (march 3rd) but then looking back after a while i realized that feb 26th 2017 was the day that id begun to take a more genuine and dedicated interest in nct because of ten and though it isn't the day when i officially began stanning it's still a date that i cherish and want to keep close to my heart. to this day i still can't remember how i managed to find out that it was tens birthday since i obviously wasn't a nctzen then and i didn't have any real nctzen friends or mutuals either and i don't know what prompted me to post for him since i knew nothing about him other than his name and group and that he was thai.. ever since i watched t7s for the first time and one of my friends introduced me to ten by showing me one of his hts stages ive always had little lingering endearments for him but never anything serious or big enough for me to actually try to learn anything about him or consider stanning him. i don't really believe in fate and i know that it was a mix of all these complete chances derived from every unconscious decision ive made in my life that landed me where i was wishing ten a happy birthday for the very first time two years ago and eventually bringing me to where i am right here in this moment wishing him a happy birthday again for the third time.... and just the thought within itself makes me so much more aware of truly just how grateful i am for him and for the opportunity to have ten in my life the way that i do :( it really could've been anyone else who randomly popped up on my explore that day, any other group that my friend had shown me months and months before, any other idol in the world that i could be loving right now but it's ten. it's ten who i look forward to seeing every day, ten who makes all my little stresses and worries vanish just by seeing him, ten who i adore and admire with all of my heart, ten who ive had the privilege of watching grow and expand as an artist these past two years and for that i consider myself soooo incredibly and inexpressibly lucky... like i really could not ever convey just how grateful i am to be able to support ten in the things that he does and witness him improve and blossom and thrive with my own two eyes. in hindsight and the grand scheme of things two years doesn't seem very long at all and sometimes it really feels like it isn't but i know that within those two years ten has worked himself into the ground enduring and overcoming so many things just to be at the point where he is now so to me it feels significant. and though i don't notice it i do realize in these past two years ive changed as well and it doesn't even hit me until i look back on myself... ive gradually become more articulated with my feelings when it comes to expressing them about the things that i love and i cant tell whether its because ive just gotten older or because i write posts like this so often FHDKCJX but aside from that i think through constantly paying attention to and noticing tens little quirks and details ive also become more aware/appreciative of individual uniqueness and i try my best to be considerate of that in myself and the people around me. i always try my best to take the things ten says to heart and keep them to remember whenever im sad or upset. much unlike ten i would never want to become an idol or performer but in aspects like creativity confidence dedication kindness compassion thoughtfulness intelligence perseverance drive talent and strength ten is absolutely the mirror image of the person i want to become.. i look up to ten more than i do anyone else but not for the reason that i see him as this perfect person incapable of any flaw or wrongdoing (even if it feels that way sometimes) but rather for the reason that IN SPITE of tens flaws and mistakes he's still able to be as an amazing of a person that he is. ten is perfect in the most deeply flawed unconventional imperfect and human way possible. he sometimes stutters or forgets words while speaking, he has an endless list of quirks and oddities to him, he's capable of messing up and making mistakes, he's capable of not being able to grasp or accomplish things right away, and as much as i wish otherwise i know that he has his own doubts and insecurities just like the rest of us :( and yet those things have never wavered my perception of him or diminished the admiration i have for him in the slightest because i know those are the things that make up who he is the very most and for that reason it just makes me love him so much more. watching videos of him from his birthday event today made me cry a lot and the last time id cried that hard (or cried at all) was because i was upset. though there was a little tiny bit of sadness mixed into my emotions then and me wishing that ten received more than what he's been given in the past above everything else i was crying out of the endearment and pride i have for him to be able to stand where he is now after overcoming each and every obstacle face to face in a room filled with those who have loved and supported him from the very beginning. i had also teared up watching his debut interview video with the rest of wayv because just hearing him talk was so touching and just knowing that he was happy felt better than anything else :( no matter how much i may miss him at times or how injusticed i feel at the treatment he gets/has gotten just knowing that ten is happy and content with himself where he is will always be more than enough. this is dragging on way too long im so sorry to anyone who is actually reading any of this but finally what i want to say is im so deeply thankful that my life managed to cross tens even simply from a fan standpoint i am genuinely so grateful to have the opportunity to be beside him alongside with all of his other fans both new and old... i don't think of myself very highly but being here to support ten today lets myself know that im doing at least something right. my one and only wish for tens birthday is that no matter what he does, whatever decisions he makes or what direction he takes, that it's what he truly wants to do and that he finds genuine happiness and fulfillment from it. i would wish for him to be always be met with success and support and adoration but i won't because even if i don't believe in things like fate i already know that ever since ten took that very first step in wanting to become a dancer fate was already destined to take him there. i hate waxing poetic but im making an exception for tens birthday... to my bravest hero, my warmest sun and my prettiest moon, the brightest star in my sky, my most stunning butterfly who i know is capable of overcoming any distance or achieving absolutely any length, i cherish you so much more than id ever be able to express in words and i can't thank you enough for being the person that you are today. i hope that this year is your best yet because as always you deserve it. we all love you so much and never forget were always rooting for you. happy birthday ten! 💌 ❞
— @tencult // 190227

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